The White Solution

There has been a lot of talk about the white supremacist movement as of late. Of course this is due to the “protests” in Virginia. And this has seemed to ignite those folks across our country of similar beliefs. I am not one who likes to pigeonhole a group of people who don’t agree with my set of beliefs, but perhaps I need to think of a way to help them in their plight. The white supremacists want whites to be large and in charge. I don’t think many of them want people who have darker skin than them to even be in this country.

Unfortunately for this group, that fight is a futile one. The last time we went to real loggerheads about this would have been the Civil War. Yes, it was about slavery, but the subtext (perhaps there wasn’t anything “subby” about it) was the dominance of white people over people of color, and the belief that the white folks are simply genetically superior. Well my friends, you can’t un-ring that bell. That was a losing effort and I’m pretty sure 99.999999% of our country does NOT want that to happen again.

I might have an idea for this woeful group of white people. Their own state!!!

Yes, we have large portions of our country that are vast and open. Let’s take a huge swath of land and let them have it as their own. Hey, this is not really unprecedented. We already gifted the Navajo, Sioux, Cherokee, etc. nations their plots of land. Let’s continue the love! We’ll have to name the state something. For this little piece I shall name it Ignorance.

Yes, the State of Ignorance.

However, there must be a set of caveats in place to be a resident of this state.

First and foremost, to be permitted to take up residency in the State of Ignorance, thorough DNA testing has to happen. If said applicant has ANYTHING resembling non-white in their body, no admittance. Imagine Eugene’s surprise when he realizes that his great-great-great granddaddy had relations with one of the house slaves back in the day, and he was a distant by-product of that child! Yer out, Eugene!

Secondly, nothing of any other culture than white culture will be permitted. Jazz, of course, is right out. Also, rock and roll since it has its roots in jazz. Classical music is fine, except for Mendelssohn et al. And food, let’s not forget food. Oh my. No Italian food shall be allowed within the borders of Ignorance. Along with anything southern fried that has its roots in the black traditions going back to the days of slavery. No Japanese, no Chinese, no Mexican, no Phở. You get the point.

Thirdly, you’ll end up having professional sports teams. You can’t be bringing in anyone of color for your teams. When your NBA team heads out to play the Cavs, Warriors, Celtics, etc., you’ll be sending a lily-white group of players into that action. And football, and baseball. You should be good with pro hockey, though remember that there are a scant handful of black hockey players in the NHL, yet with so few numbers, one of them is a complete all-star. (PK Subban.) Oh, and you can’t have any home games. Whites only in the State of Ignorance.

Fourth caveat: no imports of anything made by anyone of color. The Chinese connection is gone. You’re genetically superior to every other people group so I’m sure you can make a shirt better than some Chinese kid earning fourteen cents a day. Check your cars as well. Years ago I visited a Shimano plant in California. This is a Japanese-owned company. I was told that Saturn bought parts from them to put in their cars. Saturn…the car company that prided itself in being 100% American. Any cars with parts from countries where the people are of a darker skin tone? Nope.

Fifth caveat: You can’t leave the United States. Though the majority of the country vehemently disagrees with your way of thinking, we still are compelled to protect you. If not, at some point Germany might say, “Dude, we already got it wrong in the ’30’s and ’40’s. We can’t let you do this, so we’re attacking you.”

There are probably a few other rules and regulations that would be applicable, but this might be a good start.

Of course if you ever want to leave this state and drop its ideology, the rest of us will take you in with open arms. Well, most of us. You see, we accept you and really want you to join us in a united and diverse society.

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